After exercising, I had my back on the ground and was looking at my arms. My gaze travelled from my shoulders to my fingertips, from my fingertips to the ceiling lights. It was only seconds when the light began to give me blind spots. Diverting my gaze, it landed on a Jimi, my new electric guitar.
Hang on, new...?
My mind began to calculate the years which I have owned him, goodness gracious, has it already been 3 years? Thanks to my care (and touch wood), Jimi is still shiny and pristine. Free from oil marks, so forth and so on. I then looked at Robin, and realised that I've had him for 5 years.
These thoughts struck me hard, it made me realise how fast time has passed.
"If you ever come back - The Script" began to play on my iPod. It made me think of those who have left my life and whose return I'd welcome. It dawned to me that I'd only genuinely welcome those who have passed away or left without choice. Speaking of those who have passed, it reminded me of Scotty. A year ago, Scotty was still sticking his head under the gate and sniffing passer-bys, getting the occasional pat or sympathetic “Aw” from touched hearts.
There I was, braving the cold to feed him every morning. Telling him stories about my studies, friends and family. The occasional admiration I have for anyone special.
This all slipped away in an instant, it's one year later and all the moments are out of reach. It will never happen again, Scotty will never come back despite my willingness to welcome him. I turned to my side and stared at the wall. A year ago, I was so happy. Thinking about the future and all it's possibilities. A year later, I am lying on my side and reflecting on my mistakes alone. No one to tell about my latest admiration or to share my secrets. Pretty much lonely as cheese.
My point is, we often take so many things forgranted. Though we live in certain moments, we don't allow ourselves to be fully absorbed in the here and now. The quote 'We should do more things that make us happy' always dwells in my mind. Perhaps the key to that is to let ourselves be fully absorbed. If we're happy, to just not think about the future, but to drown in the pool of ecstatic emotions. This does not give us the permission to be reckless. It just gives us a reason to relax and create our meaning for life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a years time has made everything for the worse. On the bright side, career and academic life is looking sunny side up. For all I know, all this quietness would probably make me appreciate what's to come in the future.
Take care
X
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